TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH
- When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay.
- Experience the joy of winning the world cup for the first time.
- You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs.
- If there's a war you can surrender really early.
- You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on
Channel 4.
- You can test your own nuclear weapons in other people's countries.
- You can be ugly and still become a famous film star.
- Allow Germans to march up and down your most famous street
humiliating your sense of national pride.
- You don't have to bother with toilets, just shit in the street.
- People think you're a great lover even when you're not.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AMERICAN
- You can have a woman president without electing her.
- You can spell colour wrong and get away with it.
- You can call Budweiser beer.
- You can be a crook and still be president.
- If you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything.
- If you can breathe you can get a gun.
- You get to be really obese.
- You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody
seems to care.
- You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy".
- You can think you're the greatest nation on earth.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH
- Two World Wars and One World Cup doo-dah doo-dah.
- Proper beer.
- You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
- You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events.
- Union jack underpants.
- Water shortages guaranteed every single summer.
- You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power.
- Bathing once a week-whether you need to or not.
- Ditto changing underwear
- Beats being Welsh.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ITALIAN
- In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes.
- Unembarrassed to wear fur.
- No need to worry about tax returns.
- Glorious military history prior to 400 a.d.
- Can wear sunglasses inside.
- Political stability.
- Flexible working hours.
- Live near the Pope.
- Can spend hours braiding girlfriend's armpit hair.
- Country run by Sicilian murderers.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SPANISH
- Glorious history of killing South American tribes.
- The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the Pyrenees.
- You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes, Brits etc.
- The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans.
- Everybody else makes crap paella and claims it's the real thing.
- Honesty.
- Only sure way of bedding a woman is to dress up in stupid,
tight clothes and risk your life in front of bulls.
- You get to eat bulls' testicles.
- Gibraltar.
- Supported Argentina in Falklands War.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN
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TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING INDIAN
- Chicken Madras
- Lamb Passanda
- Onion Bhaji
- Bombay Potato
- Chicken Tikka Masala
- Rogan Josh
- Popadoms
- Chicken Dopiaza
- Meat Boona
- Kingfisher lager
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING WELSH
- You've got to be having a laugh, haven't you?
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING IRISH
- Guinness.
- 18 children because you can't use contraceptives.
- You can get into a fight just by marching down someone's road.
- Pubs never close.
- Can use Papal edicts on contraception passed in the second
Vatican Council of 1968 to persuade your girlfriend that you
can't have sex with a condom on.
- No one can ever remember the night before.
- Kill people you don't agree with.
- Stew.
- More Guinness.
- Eating stew and drinking Guinness in an Irish pub at 3 in
the morning after a bout of sectarian violence.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING CANADIAN
- It beats being an American.
- Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its
capital to the ground.
- You can play hockey 12 months a year, outdoors.
- Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its
capital to the ground.
- Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe?
- A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her
popularity ratings will rise.
- Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital
to the ground.
- Kill Grizzly bears with huge sawn-off shotguns and cover your
house in their skins.
- Own-an-Eskimo scheme.
- Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital
to the ground.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AUSTRALIAN
- Know your great-grand-dad was a murdering bastard that no civilized
nation on earth wanted.
- Fosters Lager.
- Dispossess Aborigines who have lived in your country for 40,000 years
because you think it belongs to you.
- Cricket captain not afraid to cry live on TV.
- Tact and sensitivity.
- Bondi Beach.
- Other beaches.
- Liberated attitude to homosexuals.
- Drinking cold lager on the beach.
- Having a bit of a swim and then drink some cold lager on the beach.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING DUTCH
- You can get arrested for growing plants, but not for smoking them.
- You can make jokes about the Belgians and still drink their beer.
- a) You can legally kill yourself b) You can legally be killed
- You're exactly like the Germans, except that nobody hates you.
- You think you are a world power, but everyone else thinks
Copenhagen is your capital...
- You get to insult people and defend yourself by saying it's a
national tradition.
- You can put your finger in a dyke and it will save your country
- You live in the most densely populated country in Europe, and
still you've never seen your neighbours.
- If the economy is bad, blame the Germans. If a war is started,
blame the Germans. If you lose your keys, blame the Germans.
- Bikes are public property. Locks are a challenge.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING BELGIAN
- You get to speak three languages, but none of them intelligibly.
- If other countries want to fight a war, they will do it in your
country.
- You can brew drinks out of fruit, and still call it beer.
- You are either a) like the Dutch, just less efficient b) like the
French, just less romantic c.like the Germans
- Decent fries. Real mayonnaise. Great chocolate. The best beer.
- No one knows anything about you, except for the Dutch and French
and they make fun of you.
- More scandals in a week than any other country in a decade.
- You can drive like a maniac on the road and nobody cares
- All your famous countrymen are either imaginary, or sex-offenders
- Face it. It's not really a country, is it?
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING NORWEGIAN
- You get to pay the highest taxes in the world.
- You can kill baby seals and eat Rudolf the Reindeer.
- You live in total freezing darkness half the year and get 24 hour
ozone-hole radiation the other half.
- You can get capital punishment for smoking dope.
- You can go skiing in your knickers.
- You get to hate the Swedes and beat the Brazilians in football.
- You have to be a woman to get anywhere.
- You don't need to worry about land prices rocketing - its fairly
spacious.
- When abroad you can impress people you meet with stories about
killing polar bears and shagging penguins - and they believe you.
- You can actually get bored with blondes.
TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SCOTTISH
- You ain't English!
- You ain't English!
- You ain't English!
- You ain't English!
- You ain't English!
- You ain't English!
- You ain't English!
- You ain't English!
- You ain't English!
- You ain't English!
A. Gerstlauer, December 5, 1998