Asian Heritage

TOP TEN REASONS WHY THERE WON'T BE AN ASIAN PRESIDENT ANYTIME SOON

1. White House not big enough for in-laws.
2. Engineering, medicine, and law always preferred over politics.
3. Oval Office has bad feng shui.
4. Can't find decent roast duck inside the beltway.
5. Secret service can't handle nagging from mother.
6. Dignitaries generally intimidated by chopsticks at state dinners.
7. No chance for promotion.
8. Lactose intolerance not considered politically correct.
9. Senior aides won't take off shoes before coming in.
10. Air Force One: No frequent flyer miles.

HOW TO BE THE PERFECT ASIAN AMERICAN PARENT?
(From the second generation perspective)

1. Be a little more lenient on the 7:00 p.m. curfew.
2. Don't ask where the other point went when your child comes home with grade on his/her report card.
3. Don't "ai-yah" loudly at your kid's dress habits.
4. Don't blatantly hint about the merits of Habad (Harvard), Yeil(Yale), Purinsiton (Princeton), or Stamfud (Stanford).
5. Don't reveal all the intimate details of your kid's life to the entire Asian community.
6. Don't ask your child, "What are you going to do with your life?" if he/she majors in a non-science field.
7. Don't give your son a bowl haircut or your daughter two acres of bangs.
8. Don't try to set your kid up on a date in anticipation of their poor taste or inept social skills.
9. Incorporate other phrases besides, "Did you study yet?" or "When are you getting married?" into your daily conversations with your children.
10. Don't ask all your kid's friends over the age of 21 if they have a boy/girlfriend yet.

50 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU'RE AN "ASIAN"
(*The NEW List from the 1st to 1.5 Generation Perspective*)

1. You were/are a good student with very high GPAs.
2. You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or finance.
3. You have more than one-college degrees, especially more than one Master's.
4. If you play a musical instrument, it must be piano.
5. You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table.
6. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil.
7. Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it.
8. You beat eggs with chopsticks.
9. You always leave outdoor shoes at the door.
10. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack.
11. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.
12. You boil water before drinking.
13. You eat all meals in the kitchen to keep your dining room clean.
14. You don't use measuring cups when preparing foods.
15. You save grocery bags and use them to hold garbage.
16. You have a rice cooker.
17. You're a wok user.
18. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
19. You wash rice 2-3 times before cooking it.
20. You make sounds when you have a bowl of soup.
21. Your don't dry-clean clothes, even if they need to be dry-cleaned.
22. You iron your own shirts.
23. You like congee (Zhou1) with thousand year old eggs (Song1Hua1).
24. You always cook yourself, even if you hate it.
25. You use credit cards, and pay monthly bills in full.
26. You keep most of your money in a savings account.
27. You buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off.
28. When you hand wash dishes, you only use cold water.
29. You hate to waste food
    • Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them.
    • You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.
30. You don't own any real Tupperware-only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars.
31. When toilet paper is on sale, you buy 100 rolls and store them.
32. You have a collection of miniature shampoo/conditioner bottles and little soap bars that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
33. The condiments in your fridge are either Price Club sized or come in plastic packets, which you save every time you get take out or go to McDonald's.
34. You carry a stash of your own food

Learn Chinese in 3 Minutes

English: He's cleaning his automobile
Chinese: Wa Shing Ka

English: This is a tow away zone
Chinese: No Pah King

English: Is there a fugitive here?
Chinese: Hu Yu Hai Ding?

English: Small Horse
Chinese: Tai Ni Po Ni

English: Your price is too high!!!
Chinese: No Bai Nut Ting!!!

English: Did you go to the beach?
Chinese: Wai Yu So Tan?

English: I bumped into a coffee table
Chinese: Ai Bang Mai Ni

English: It's very dark in here
Chinese: Wai So Dim?

English: Has your flight been delayed?
Chinese: Hao Long Wei Ting?

English: I thought you were on a diet?
Chinese: Wai Yu Mun Ching?

English: They have arrived
Chinese: Hia Dei Kum

English: Your body odor is offensive
Chinese: Yu Stin Ki Pu

English: You know lyrics to the Macarena?
Chinese: Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?

English: I got this for free
Chinese: Ai No Pei

English: Stay out of sight
Chinese: Lei Lo

English: Phew! Does this bathroom stink!
Chinese: Hu Flung Dung?

Latest Ebonics Test......

Once again Leroy was asked to do a simple homework assignment. Still befuddled by the whole school thing, Leroy is a trooper. He was given another set of vocabulary words to use in sentences. Here'swhat he handed in:

1. HONOR ROLL - We was playin bidwiz on the stoop the other day, man I was HONOROLL.
2. PLANET - I know this dude who got arrested cause he got him some seed to grow weed, and he PLANET in the backyard.
3. DISMAY - I went for a blood test, the doctor pulled out a big needle. He said DISMAY hurt a little.
4. OMELETTE - I should punch you dead in the eye for what you just said but OMELETTE this one go this time.
5. STAIRWAY - Getting high is stupid. It just make you STAIRWAY into space.
6. MOBILE - I went to the store to buy some food, I was short on cash, the man said gimme one MOBILE.
7. DEFENSE - I saw this dude running from the cops, but he hopped DEFENSE and got away.
8. AFRO - I got so mad at my girl, AFRO a lamp at her.
9. AFTERMATH - I don't feel like being at school today so AFTERMATH, I'm out.
10. LOCKET - I slam the door so hard, I LOCKET.
11. DOMINEERING - My girl's birthday was yesterday, I got her a DOMINEERING.
12. KENYA - I needed money fo the subway, so I axed a stranger KENYA spare some change?
13. DERANGE - is where da deer and antelope play.
14. DATA - At my basketball game, I scored thirty points. My coach said DATA boy.
15. BEWARE - I asked the man at the unemployment office, "Is dis BEWARE I get a job?"
16. DIMENSION - I be tall, dark, handsome and not DIMENSION smart. (HA!)
17. COATROOM - The judge said, "One more outburst like that, you'll be thrown out de COATROOM."
18. DECIDE - My boy frontin' like he love his girl but eribody know he got a couple chicks on DECIDE.