The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
-Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL

Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.
-Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL

If you can piss this high, join the fire department.
-On the wall in the men's restroom at a height of 6 feet. O'Ryan's Irish Pub. Ashland, Oregon.

Beauty is only a light switch away.
-Perkins Library. Duke University. Durham, North Carolina.

I've decided that to raise my grades I must lower my standards.
-Houghton Library, Harvard University. Cambridge, Massachusetts.

If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives.
-Armand's Pizza. Washington, D.C.

Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?"
-Rest stop off Route 81. West Virginia.

God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?
-The Irish Times. Washington, D.C.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
-The Bayou, Baton Rouge, Louisiana.

No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit.
-Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill. Chapel Hill, North Carolina.

To do is to be. -Descartes
To be is to do. -Voltaire
Do be do be do. -Frank Sinatra
-Men's restroom, Greasewood Flats. Scottsdale, Arizona.

At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.
-Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, Arizona.

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
-Written in the dust on the back of a bus. Wickenburg, Arizona.

Make love, not war. --Hell, do both, get married!
-Women's restroom, The Filling Station. Bozeman, Montana.

God is dead. -Nietzsche
Nietzsche is dead. -God
-The Tombs Restaurant. Washington, D.C.

If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
-Revolution Books. New York, New York.

A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
-Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort. Dallas, Texas.

JESUS SAVES! But wouldn't it be better if he had invested?
-Men's restroom, American University. Washington, D.C.

If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?
Congress!
-Men's restroom, House of Representatives. Washington, D.C.